Monday, May 31, 2010

With the World Rushing Around Me...

I feel a great need to blog today. A few weeks ago, I had an epiphany. It seems that that epiphany opened a flood gate in my mind. I find myself thinking so much these days that I can't keep track of every thought I have. I suppose I should start from the beginning. I am going to be very honest in this post, so I apologize if I offend anyone for any reason. I know that I am different from other people my age. Most twenty year olds are out partying, getting drunk until two in the morning. At that time, I am either working or asleep. Sometimes I go out, I'm not saying that I don't have a social life. But I have been wondering why at such a young age, do I already know that those pleasures (alcohol, sex, etc.) don't give the long-term happiness that everyone is looking for? I am searching for this through meditation, and I am trying to keep myself healthy with the foods I eat and my Yoga practice. But I do have to wonder, why is it that I never did drugs, smoked, or drank and I already know that these things won't do well by me? Most people learn from their mistakes. A lot of the time I already know before the mistake happens. Is it because I am afraid of getting hurt, or that my parents told me it was bad? Or was I born with a predisposed notion of how life really is. In the long run, those "simple" pleasures don't bring happiness.
Everyday I am learning more and more about myself and the world around me. It's as if having that one epiphany is causing more and more thoughts to come to me one after another. Never stopping. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by these thoughts that I feel like crying. I know this kinda sounds lame, but its true. What do I do with this knowledge I am recieving? I have realized so many things, and only in the past few weeks. I realized that I am only a small part of this world. The world doesn't revolve around me. It never did, it never will. This thought has knocked me down a few pegs, but that is a good thing. I can't be unhappy with people for no reason. Meaning, I can't get randomly annoyed with people just because they are being themselves. They will always be that, I just have to accept that. Sometimes I wonder if these thoughts are newfound wisdom and other times I wonder if its a load of BS that I am just making up in my mind. But where do these thoughts come from? They come from inside of me. They have always been there, it's just that now they are finally rearing their heads. These thoughts are within every human being on this planet. People just have to try and find it for themselves. I can tell you all this knowledge that I am gathering, but it is you who has to gain this knowledge from yourself for yourself. I am going to be a nurse, but I honestly believe that there is something more for me to do. There is a different sort of work for me to do in the world. Don't ask me what it is, because I don't know. I hardly know anything these days. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going crazy... I must say that I am greatful for these things I am learning everyday. No matter how overwhelming it is, I will take it head on!


  1. I like this post a lot Nancy. In my journeys I have done both. I have gone extended periods of not drinking and partying, and gone extending periods of doing the drinking.

    My journey is almost done. It will be done this fall. Gina knows the end sort of, and you will too in time.

    If I thought drinking or not drinking would help me with what I am going to do I'd do either. For is irrelevant.

    I am different than most, and have been for a long while.

    I could tell you things, but all things will come out through my blogging.

    I bet you do have a different sort of work here in the world. That will be revealed in the future.

    Be well!!

    God Bless!!

  2. Thank you! I know everything will be alright, and really I am happy that this is happening. It seems like it can be too much at times, but that's okay. It is a gift, I need to appreciate it. :)

  3. I think you are great Nancy!! :)

  4. Sometimes there is so much going on in the outside world outside of us it makes it hard to discover our spirit or our path in life. I am 21 and have just recently been trying to discover who I am and what I want to represent but it often feels like certain pressures in life hold me back. I know that nothing can stop me from discovering who I am so I keep forward on my journey in life. I also feel like I don't know what I am doing sometimes but I know I have a destination and it is the journey that matters so I keep my head up. It feels good knowing that there is someone else going through something similar to me, so I just wanted to write a comment saying i appreciate your blog. Thank you

  5. Thank you Sandra. It is great to know someone who is about the same age as me is going through a similar experience. I appreciate your comment!

  6. I love to hear that young people are searching for the truth within--I have spent 54 years doing just that and yoga in the last 10 years has taken me further towards my truth--be patient and enjoy the process --it is a good journey you are on. Take your time and enjoy the small revelations as they arise--hopefully they will overwhelm and then give you peace.

  7. That is what I am hoping. Namaste