Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Hello AGAIN!!!

I do believe that I am overdue for writing a new post. Sorry about that. I am starting the nursing program next month and I am super excited!!! Taking care of people is something that I love to do! I know that sounds really corny, but its true. I work at a hospital and I know from experience that nursing is a very rewarding experience!! So far I have been getting myself ready for the nursing program which is a two year thing. It will get me to an associates degree in nursing. I will be able to work as a nurse, but I will have to get a BSN within ten years. At least so I have heard. Anyway, I am super excited about it! I have been preparing for the program for two years and I am finally here! So right now I am at the last step of the application process before I am OFFICIALLY accepted into the program. I have a skills exam that tests me on basic nursing skills that I have already learned. I am doing some preparation for that because I really don't want to mess up. I have come this far! I feel bad because I have put yoga on the backburner. I go to my yoga class once a week, but that's about it. Shame on me. I really need to get practicing again. I'm sure that once school starts I am going to be wishing that I had more time for my practice. I really need to start practicing yoga every day again. I feel so bad. Well, thanks for reading my little ramble. :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

A Darker Setting

Okay, it has been a while since my last post. Sorry about that ^^" I guess its because I really don't have much to talk about. I have been doing a lot of thinking, but probably not the good kind of thinking that I should be doing. I am ashamed to say that I haven't been meditating for a while. Shame on me, shame on me. :( That's probably why my mind is so mixed up lately. There was one realization that I came to not too long ago. I was wondering why it is so hard for me to keep friends. It really is true. I can make friends easily enough, but keeping them is another story. My guess as to why is because I just push people away. I feel that they are getting to close and I get scared. It's not like I have been hurt by someone, or maybe I have and just don't remember. I am just naturally afraid that people will turn on me, or I just get uncomfortable with people liking me for who I am. I get uncomfortable and shake my head, distance myself from them, stop making plans, stop communicating. I have been that way for a long time. I don't know how I can fix it, because I know that it isn't right of me. I overthink things, look too far into the future and turn my back to it. I know that I just need to be around people I feel totally comfortable with, I need to stop overjudging and overanalyzing. I need to just relax, take people for who they are, they want to be around me. Why does that annoy me so much? I always see flaws in people and it ends up bothering me to the core. I let it sink into the deepest pits of my heart and let it sit there, metastasize until I just can't stand it. I end up usually hurting other people that way, and honestly, it hurts me too. I hate being that way. I want to stop but I really don't know how. Practicing non-judgment is something I try to do everyday. But that's not all, I have to do more. I know this may be a bit strange for this blog, but this is what is on my mind. I will work on it, I will find a way to be able to just relax and not jump to conclusions. Look on the bright side of things. But I always wonder if looking at the darker things that forwarn me will end up helping me or harming. I'm not sure.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Through My Eyes

When most people saw that the famed star, Lindsay Lohan, was sentenced to 90 days in Jail and 90 days of rehab, I assume they shook their heads, snorted, grumbled, laughed. But what I felt for her when I saw the news was compassion. It surprised me as much as it may surprise you. She partied too hard, thinks that she is above the law, thinks that she can break the rules. How can I feel compassion for a woman like that? I don't really know how to explain it. But when I watched a clip of the hearing on Tv, all I saw was a broken girl, suffering at her own hand. She has so much to learn. People think that she will learn her lesson in jail. I have to disagree, did Paris Hilton learn anything? I think it was necessary to put her in jail, but we shouldn't expect her to come out of it a completely different person. The rehabilitation may do her some good, maybe. But maybe people are taking the wrong approach to fixing this girl who has traveled so far from her beginning. Maybe what she needs is to change her lifestyle completely. People may read this and think that I am crazy, writing this about someone that I don't even know. But she is only 24 years old, she has a whole life ahead of her. There is still time for her to turn her life around, back to the way that is was when she was a little girl. What she needs is to eat healthy, to be around the right people, and to stay away from the parties. If that is the way that she can resist the temptation to make a fool of herself, then that is what she needs to do. We tend to be like the people that we are around. Think about it, if you have a family and friends who are well-educated, and have good morals, aren't you pretty much guaranteed to be the same way? We look up to our role models, may we pray that they are good ones. From what I read, Lindsay doesn't have a good relationship with her father, she had a terrible self esteem and ended up being bulimic. People's criticism and hateful words aren't going to help the girl recover from her illness. She needs support. We can choose to either laugh and celebrate the fact that she has gone to jail or we can support her, and wish her the best, hope that she will eventually recover. I know this may seem like a strange post, but I had to write about this. Because when I saw the pictures of her in the court room I wasn't laughing. I felt her pain. She is hiding behind this facade of partying, binging, and her notorious new name. I hope you read this post well, we cannot dislike people for their mistakes. We can only empathize with them and wish them the best.